30 Photo Challenge

I recently stumbled across the idea of a 30 Day Photo Challenge. I think I first saw it on pinterest.com but since then, I've seen it on several blogs. October is going to be a crazy, crazy month, but what better month to document with all sort of fun photographs?

So, forgive me in advance if I do more than one picture on some days and none on others. It might end up taking me more than 30 total days, but I'm planning to cross the challenge finish line no matter how long it takes! Here's my 30 day list, heavily inspired by the blogosphere with a couple tweaks.

My Help Comes from the Lord

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills.

From where does my help come?

My help comes from the Lord,

who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;

he who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, he who keeps Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;

the Lord is your share on your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;

he will keep your life.

The Lord will keep

your going out and your coming in

from this time forth and forevermore.

Say Something Nice

Thanks to Kara for sharing!

Focus

I may or may not be addicted to blogs. I love them. Every day I can't wait for the first half of my work day to speed by so I can grab a few minutes with my good pal - Google Reader. It's a sad day when lunchtime doesn't find me at my desk catching up with my good friends (whom I've never even met) like Mamma Pea, drooling over to-die-for recipes, and ogling new ideas for our home on Apartment Therapy.   Let's not even get started on pinterest.com ok?

I say goodbye to the blogging world and head back to the wonderful world of accounting (insert sarcastic comment here) inspired. I have to contain myself until the end of the day before I let myself loose at the grocery store with a new recipes or browse amazon for just the right crafting supplies to recreate the one perfect photo idea for our wedding. I love being inspired. I love it.

And, it always makes me want to blog more often. To write up something snappy or thoughtful or creative. But then I find myself at a bit of a loss. Am I a crafty blog? I'm not really that crafty in real life. I mean, I don't even own a glue gun. Am I a cooking blog? A baking blog? My future sister-in-law Natalie already has a pretty kickin' food blog so why reinvent the wheel? I'm more of a random girl.

What do you think? Does a blog need a focus? A specific theme or feel or genre? What should mine be?

The End of an Era

Today is my last day as a twenty-something. Crazy. It's been a wild ride. I'm a blessed girl.

in no particular order....

20. I spent an entire year calling France home, drinking more espresso than you can imagine and consuming unbelievable amounts of wine and cheese.

19. My best friend, Laura, and I almost got kicked off a train in the middle of the night in Slovakia. True story.

18. I traveled to Egypt and saw a glimpse of the Nile, but managed to miss the pyramids.

17. I became an Aunt.

16. My mom married a pretty cool guy and I inherited four awesome step-siblings.

15. With the help of some friends, I overcame my hatred of onions, olives, and shrimp and discovered that I actually really love all three. (No one can convince me that pickles are delicious.)

14. I started attending and working at The Journey church in St. Louis.

13. I stopped biting my nails.

12. First time a boy held my hand.

11. Saw my first opera at the Vienna Opera House in Vienna, Austria.

10. Ventured into the ocean for the first time since 9th grade. (There are living things in there people!)

9. Visited Les Ailes de Refuge and walked the dirt streets of Yako, Burkina Faso with my cousin Nichole.

8. Joined Weight Watchers online and lost 45 lbs.

7. Said good-bye to my childhood dog, Tabi.

6. Purchased and paid off my first new car (Honda Civic 2004) which I still drive and love.

5. First date.

4. First kiss.

3. Took my first solo vacations to San Sebastian, Spain and Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and loved every second of them.

2. Adopted Eisenhower (Ike). Life will never be the same.

1. Got engaged to the love of my life.

These are by no means all of the wonderful moments that made up my twenties, nor do they give credit to some of the harder times that shaped me into the almost-thirty-something woman that I am, but they are some of my favorite snapshots of life over the last ten years.

Sabbath

All things not God, all things made by God need rest...and maybe especially us. Because, unlike goats and beetles and flies and lizards, we try to outwit and outrun our limits. We think we're the exception, the one for whom busyness will translate into fruitfulness. We think because we've figured ways to build impossibly tall buildings and dig immensely deep, broad holes, to spy on babies in the womb, to tease our strands of DNA, to send whole computer files from New York to Nairobi in a split second - we think because our industry and ingenuity seem boundless, we can also figure out a way around our God imposed need for stillness. We can't. The need is not conjured away by medication, technology, discipline, cleverness, sheet willfulness. It always come back to take its due.

Mark Buchanan, The Rest of God

J. R. Vassar visited our church last weekend and preached to us about sabbath rest. As I sat in my chair, already overwhelmed with life and exhausted, his sermon hit me square in the face. Thinking about carving out a true sabbath makes me want to cry, both out of the uneasiness I feel at the necessity of saying no to protect our sabbath (and my lack of confidence in myself to follow through) and out of great desire for a time to rest. Many thanks to J. R. who reminded me firmly that God did not suggest that we rest, he commanded it.

Watch J. R. Vassar's sermon here. 

 

To Gather

To Gather: to bring together; to collect


Today my friend Kara posted this video on her blog and I think it's just great. You should watch it. One of the things I like most about Kara is her passion for food and community. I am inspired to gather people together over food, to share the warmth of a good meal in the beauty that is community, and reflect on the goodness of God and his creation.


Of Salt and Light from The Other Journal on Vimeo.

Thought of the day.

Slow. Simple. Intentional.

Life is busy. I think it's the word I use more often to answer the ever-dreaded question "So, how are you?" The strange thing is when people ask me what's keeping me so busy it's hard to tell them. It boils down to life. My life is busy. I feel like I'm rushing from place to place, work to home to work again with few precious moments to stop, take a breathe and enjoy the moment. I feel like I've been swept away and caught up in a strong current, landing where the river puts me instead of being intentional with my time.

A friend recently shared this article with me and I think that Margie describes the very tension I've been feeling in yearning for a slower life. Go ahead, take a minute. Read it. It's beautiful.

I was just talking to Justin the other day about our breakfast eating habits. He takes the time to make himself a breakfast meal most days. Scramble some eggs. Make toast. French-press some coffee. Sit. Read. Eat. He says it's part of his life strategy to slow down a bit. I, however, have always been the opposite. My coffee maker is on a timer and brews while I'm in the shower. I pour my to-go mug and grab a granola bar on my way out the door. I either eat lunch at my desk or run errands and eat in the car. But, when I picture the life I would like to have in my head it's not like that. It's not rushed. There is time. Time to read. Time to cook. Time to nap, garden and be. Time for friends to stop in for dinner. Time to pause and really listen when I run into a friend unexpectedly. I want a slower life. Less rush, less stuff. More people. More room to live in.

What a difference a year makes

One year ago today I carpooled with one of my co-workers to an evening meeting out in the county. The 30 minute drive was full of banter about life and movies. I hated the movie The Royal Tenenbaums, he loves it. We stopped for smoothies. He asked me to come over for dinner on St. Patrick's Day. I started looking at him in a whole new light.

One year later and we're planning our wedding.

Also, I've been reformed. The Royal Tenenbaums, does, in fact, get better the more you watch it.

Anyone want to grab some cheeseburgers and hit the cemetery?

Every Last One

My favorite Christmas gift this year was an eReader from a very handsome gentleman and, as a result, I spent almost an entire day over the holiday break holed up in my boyfriend's Papaw's study crying my eyes out. No we did not have a fight. He picked the eReader because it syncs with our local library and I can check out a bazillion different titles very easily. So, the day after Christmas I grabbed the first three interesting looking books I could get my mouse on (yes, I judge all books by their cover) and started reading.

The first book was just so-so, but the second was a gem. Every Last One by Anna Quindlen gripped me from the start. I'll try not to give too much away because really you should just go read it, but arm yourself with a box of kleenex because you will need it. I didn't know anything about the story when I started. I hadn't read the flaps or back cover (I haven't figured out how to do that on the eReader) and I spent more time downloading and less time researching on the library website, but I'm glad that the story was able to unfold to me from start to finish just as Anna wrote it.

The story about a woman named Mary Beth is heartbreakingly beautiful. Her husband and children and mundane everydayness of life, the things that went unsaid between her and her husband, her understated and sheepish longing for a life more exotic made me wonder. Will my life always be boring compared to another's adventure?  Even in the best of marriages and relationships - will there always be things left unsaid? Dreams left undiscovered?

Then just as I was settling into the narrative of Mary Beth's life, everything changes for her. I won't tell you what happens, I'll just say that I was left heartbroken for her and full of longing for the mundane ordinariness of married life and the complexities of children for me. I sat with tears in my eyes and promised my future self that I won't take the beauty of the everyday for granted but savour every moment for the joy that it will be. I remembered that even now I am living life. This is it. So, to the me that is now and to the me that will be, I hope that I won't leave the important things left unsaid. That I will be bold when I need to be bold and patient when I should wait and be silent. That I will celebrate the beauty that is the everyday life - library books to return and stolen moments reading in coffee shops, grocery shopping to be done and meals shared with my love, hands to hold, desires to speak, carpools and vacations. All of it together. I can't wait.

2011

I'm a task oriented gal by profession and I enjoy having goals to reach for at the beginning of the New Year. I think it helps keep me focused on what matters and trim the excess from my life. These goals aren't terribly specific, but they do represent some of the things I hope for in the new year.

Write a monthly Psalm I'm setting out on this adventure with some girlfriends. We are going to practice the art of psalm writing together. We already gather for lunch monthly and are hoping that sharing our poems, prayers, psalms with each other will help us to cultivate deeper friendships with each other and share our lives honestly and well.

@EngageScripture 2011 Engage Scripture is a bible reading plan developed by some guys at my church. I made an attempt to follow through last year, but life got busy and I dropped off over the summer. I hope to stick it out this year. If you're interested in joining us you can follow @EngageScripture for daily readings from the plan.

Be adventurous in the kitchen I am excited about this. Paté. Grilled lamb chops. Hosting a fancy dinner party. Cooking creatively on a budget.

Sabbath weekly I'm not sure what this will look like, but I hope to do a better job of sabbathing and establishing better rhythms in my daily, weekly life. Time to rest. Time to play. Time to work. Quality time with a certain gentleman and dear friends. Time away to pray.

Date well Speaking of a certain gentleman. 2010 brought a most welcome addition to my life - a pretty wonderful guy. I hope that we continue to date each other well. To set and follow good boundaries. To discover new things to appreciate about each other. To allow ourselves to be known by each other and our community of friends. To be bold when we need to be bold and patient when we should be patient. To have fun and glorify God in it all.

Take a vacation Yep. I want to go to the beach. That is all. I could find a way to fit Paris into my schedule if the opportunity arose. Just sayin'.

Think and speak I hope to be thoughtful in what I say and what I leave unsaid. To be courageous in who I am and who God has made me to be. To be authentic in my relationships.

A Generous Heart

gen·er·ous

   

[jen-er-uhs]  Show IPA

–adjective

1.

liberal in giving or sharing; unselfish: a generous patron of the arts; a generous gift.

2.

free from meanness or smallness of mind or character;magnanimous.

3.

large; abundant; ample: a generous portion of pie.

4.

rich or strong in flavor: a generous wine.

5.

fertile; prolific: generous soil.

This advent, at my church, we've been talking a lot about being generous. We live in a world that is obsessed with stuff. Coveting versus contentment. I'm just as guilty as the next girl. I covet a nicer apartment, a better wardrobe, and I wouldn't turn down a large gift card to Starbucks. I like my comforts and I pay for them.

As a Christian, as a member of my church, though, I'm commanded to be generous. After all, my money, my resources, all that I have, and all that I am - it's God's anyway. I know that to be true. He's provided for me always. Always. I've been in want, but I've never been in need. When I give on a Sunday morning, I'm supporting the Gospel. That's why it's such a big deal. Ministry takes money. No way around it. I know that, I work for the church. If people stop giving, I stop getting a paycheck.

Sunday I left church a little sad. I'm sad because I haven't always managed my money very well. I'm ashamed because my debt keeps me from being extravagant in my generosity. My first job was  a very good one. I brought home a nice paycheck, but instead of paying off debt, I spent it. I justified it by spending some of it on charity and friends, but truth be told I spent most of it stupidly and on things that I thought would give me happiness, contentment, but they never did. Now, here I am looking at my future from a deficit. I wish I'd gone to a college that had offered a larger scholarship. I wish I'd saved more. I wish I'd never used a credit card. I wish I hadn't spent thousands to start a master's degree I never finished.

I can't go back in time. I can't undo my mistakes, but I can do my best to give regularly, sacrificially and cheerfully. Every month my largest check goes to my debtors. My second largest to my church. I hope that one day this is not the case.

What do I covet? I covet a life without debt so that I can give more than my 10%. So that, in addition to my church, I can give to those who are in need. So I can buy dinner for a friend who is short on cash. So I can pay the heating bill of someone I don't even know. So that I can give more to my church so that the Gospel can continue to go forth in our city.

The Simple Life

I find myself in a unique position these days. I love my life. It is full of wonderful things: a family of friends, a man that I love, a job that's about the Gospel, a church family that is on mission, a lovely home to call my own, I could go on (and on). On the other hand, life is complicated. All these good things take time, lots of time, and I find that the margin of my life is getting slimmer and slimmer.

I've been blaming the fuzzy lines in my life for this complexity lately - my job that is my church that pushes against my relationship with God and my boyfriend that's also a colleague and my best friend whose husband is kind of my boss. See. It's complicated. I'm sure that some of the lack of simplicity in my life is from those things, but I don't think that's the real culprit. It's a given that I could be better about balancing the various boundaries in my schedule (work vs. play and friends), but I think it's something much deeper that I'm looking for and I don't think that just rearranging the time slots on my calendar is going to meet my craving.

It's space I'm looking for. This weekend I was out of town at my brother's wedding in Sainte Genevieve, MO. We were in the middle of nowhere surrounded by rolling hills filled with trees on fire with the colors of autumn. We walked the town and stopped to talk with the ladies of the local quilting bee. We sampled apple butter and stopped on the side of the road to watch an unexpected tractor parade roll through town. There was no rush. No deadlines. No email. I found myself daydreaming of a life where my schedule was set by the sun, where I grew my own food and churned my own butter, filled with evening around the fire with friends and family.

It's an idyllic picture of the simple life. And, it's not really the answer. The reality has to be somewhere in the middle, but I don't know how to get there.

To plan or not to plan?

In my real life, I'm a planner. I like lists and times and punctuality. I like to know what my day holds before I pour my first cup of coffee. Hiding under all my day planners and sticky notes is a spontaneous alter ego. I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants traveller at heart.

When I was in college I spent my junior year studying abroad in Angers, France. Saying I studied abroad is a bit loose on language, as I spent most of my time galavanting around Europe, drinking coffee and sleeping on trains. When I was planning to leave for the year I was anxious. There was so much I wanted to do while I was there, but I had no idea how to plan for it and what was worse, I didn't even know where to start planning. I let myself become totally overwhelmed with the idea of a weekend in Paris or Spain before I even left Missouri.

When I set foot on French soil a beautiful thing happened. I stopped worrying. I gave up on planning and just set out for an adventure. That year was my most satisfying lesson in letting go of control. I'm not saying that my nerves didn't get the better of me (and my fingernails) now and again, but I have no regrets. I lived while I was there and have more than a handful of interesting stories to show for it.

And, I'm itching to go back...I guess I should start planning a trip.

Doughnut Decisions

Dough. Icing. Glaze. Cream custard filling. I'm sorry to do this to you, but if I'm craving doughnuts you might as well be, too.

Every morning this week on my drive in to the office I've fought a serious battle of self control. Luckily the doughnut shop near my house only takes cash and I never carry any anymore. I want to call in sick to work and make these. On Tuesday I almost drove 25 minutes out of my way to hit up my favorite doughnut shop in all of St. Louis: the Donut Drive In. Even the doughnuts with sketchy blue icing at the gas station were tempting when I stopped to fill up my tank. Troubling to be sure.

This all got me thinking about self-control (for obvious reasons, I hope). What kept me out of the Krispy Kreme line? Knowing I wouldn't be so happy with doughnuts two hours later. Picturing myself at my brother's wedding in three weeks with an extra two pounds around my middle. (And now the, less-logical, snow ball thoughts.) It's strange where your mind will go when you're making a simple doughnut decision, but I make these choices everyday. Do I want this enough to explain to my spouse someday why I was willing to go into debt to buy it? Little decisions like what I eat and the impulse purchases I make at Target add up.

Self-control and accountability. So important. Thinking things through helps me make choices that I'm not ashamed of and that are the best for me, not just in the moment, but for the long haul.

More Than Even

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

 C.S. Lewis "The Weight of Glory"

I don't know about you but often I am ashamed to claim the promises of God. I am willing to admit I'm broken. I'll say I don't deserve to be saved. I'm a wretched sinner. That's easier because no one can come along and debunk my claim. If they look they will see that I am, in fact, deep down, a messed up, sinning, lying, black-hearted girl.

I'll say this, I've gotten more comfortable with claiming the grace of God by which I have been saved. I know that he sent Jesus to die and raise from the dead, conquering death once and for all that I might not die, but have life eternal with him. It's after that when I get bashful. Sure, I'm saved from hell, but can I proclaim that God not only saved me but desires and provided a way for abundant life for me?

I'm not claiming that I'll lead a hassle-free life. Suffering is part of the Christian deal. I'm saying that God did more than cancel my debt. He put on me the righteousness of Jesus. He is not ambivalent towards me as if I were just a person that didn't owe him anything, when he looks at me he rejoices over me as his daughter. It is so much more than setting things even and I want all that He has to give me.

Where are you too easily pleased?

Lectio Divina

I'm reading "The Forgotten Ways" by Alan Hirsch with some ladies at work. There's a very big buzz around the book and discussions about being missional are big at our church at the moment. So, we decided to check it out.

In the chapter we're discussing this week, the topic is discipleship. What is it? How do you make it happen? How do you cultivate an environment that is about becoming more like Jesus and less about a big church service? Why does it even matter? There's good stuff in there. I was bummed that there was no pat answer or definitive check list for me, but I wasn't really surprised. Sanctification (becoming more like Jesus) is rarely that cut and dry.

While discussing discipleship Alan asks "What is the everyday requirement for those who consider themselves Christian?" Dang. Good question. He says we need a "radical minimum standard for discipleship" and that we often "confuse the bare minimum with the extraordinary and keep lowering the bar until we clear it." So true. This really got me thinking. What is the bare minimum required of me? What should my life be made up of without question? I am embarrassed to say that I was mostly stumped and that the responses I came up with felt canned and so very far from genuine.

One thing that Alan suggests as a basic practice is "promoting core spiritual disciplines." Sounds good right? But, what does that look like? Two of the ideas that he expands on are prayer and engagement with scripture - two things I've felt personally challenged on as of late. I was relieved when he mentioned a Catholic tradition of prayer called Lectio Devina that combines the two and I'm excited to give it a try. He outlines how you can use this for a group or on your own in the back of the book. Here's my summary of what he suggestions for personal meditation:

Settle in and slow down. Get comfortable and take a minute just to breathe and clear your head and heart.

Lectio Read over a small portion of scripture and let it seep in. Let yourself linger. 

Meditatio Pick a phrase that stuck out to you and think about why it did. What might God be speaking to you through this scripture in this moment? 

Oratio Talk to God about it. What is he telling you and what is he asking from you? How can you actively respond to his prompting?

Contemplatio Rest. Remember that God is God and you are not (Psalm 46:10). Remember that he's in charge and he loves you. Depend on him. Trust him and take the risk of living the life he's calling you to live. 

Hope

Theodore Roosevelt said:

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.

Too true. That's all we can do. My best efforts are limited by what I know today, my time, my resources, my talent and my sin. It doesn't end there, though. There is a great hope.

What I am today is not what I will be. What I know today is not all that I will know.  Someday all will be restored. All will be made new. All the painful things healed. All the wonderful things revealed for the shadow of great joy that they really are.

Philippians 1:6:

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Amen. Today, I rejoice in a life that is wonderful. I can't complain, but I look forward with great hope to the day when I can see him as he really is.

1 John 3:2

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.

Free Space

I had a teacher in elementary school who always left a half of a page at the bottom of every test or worksheet blank. She called it free space. It definitely didn't cost her anything to leave that lovely white space for me. It did, however, make a big difference. It gave me a place that was mine. I could write anything I wanted. There was security and clarity in that space for me. The words white space and margin have become frequenters of my work dialogue lately.

Last week I went to a workshop called Less Clutter. Less Noise. hosted by Kem Meyer. She has some really great ideas about communications, especially as they pertain to the church, and we took away some great thoughts and tips from what she had to say. Above all the other things that she spoke about, one topic in particular has stuck with me:

...the barrage of data to which we are constantly exposed carries a cost - physically, mentally and financially...More isn't what people are looking for; relief from the pressure of more is what they're looking for.

This is so true for me. I don't want to know anything else sometimes. I don't want new information. I want help figuring out how to sort and prioritize all the information that I'm hit with every other minute of the day. That's why Mrs. Jung's white space was so important. I could sort there. I could dump out all the information that I'd been desperately trying to keep crammed in my head before the big test there. It helped me breathe and think easier.

The white space was oxygen. Where do you have oxygen in your life? Where is your white space? Sure this is a brilliant principle to remember in the professional communications realm, especially at my church, but I think it goes beyond that. Where do I find clarity and rest? How do I leave white space in my life. A pastor at my church recently posted on the Sabbath and I think the two are connected. If you have the time or energy, give it a read.